Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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