Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
