Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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