Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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