So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
