So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Do vagina's smell?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
