I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
