Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Im just a social blackout drinker.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
