woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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