I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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