Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
