WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
