I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
