My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
