dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
