Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
