Are we in a gay sports bar?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
