my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
