Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
