girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just gift wrapped bread.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
