They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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