How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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