I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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