You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
