we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
either way he was missing a nipple.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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