You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
