rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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