So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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