I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
