Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
