I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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