her vagine was all disorganized.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
