i think i have herpe
just one?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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