i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
