Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
