So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
only you would photoshop your dick
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
