i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
