i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dude i'm inner monologue high
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
