she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
