trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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