; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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