the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
