Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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