I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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