Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
