You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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