So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
