All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
