are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
