I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
