Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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