it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
