your thong is hanging out like whoa
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
