its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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