I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
