are you still at the devil's house?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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