K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
